even my farts smell like vagina
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
