I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize