i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
