so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
