she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
