I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize