hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
