I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My hand turned me down
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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