Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
