just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
