Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
