I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
