I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
