My Higher Power is John Stamos
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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