Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
