i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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