Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize