do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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