By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
