I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
