capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
