why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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