I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
