Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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