just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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