I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
