I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
