alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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