TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
