Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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