I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
