Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
