just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
