I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
