hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
