I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he fucked my hip out of place.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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