I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
