bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
