I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
