My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
