I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
