Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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