We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
