Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
