It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
