I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
