so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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