remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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