We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
