dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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