If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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