goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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