i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I pour the whiskey from now on
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
