I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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