FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
