went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
