He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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