I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
