quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
