I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Congratulations! We have a period
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
