I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
