Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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