how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
