I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
