does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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