it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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