They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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