OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize