I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
