i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
