I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
