are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
