Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
