It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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