I hate all girls vehemently.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
