He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
